At the Deli with Uncle Chaim, Part 1
At the Deli with Uncle Chaim, Part 1
My strange (and strangely wonderful) lunch with Gene Simmons
Good morning, Jagged Time Lapsers (if I may be so bold to refer to you as such)…
First off, I’d like to thank everyone who has upgraded their free JTL subscriptions to paid in the last couple of weeks — your support is enormously helpful and appreciated right now, especially as my cat Otis had to make an emergency visit to the vet last week. (He’s thankfully doing okay now, and hopefully will continue to dimprove, but I had to foot the bill for a pretty staggering array of procedures which my pet insurance may or may not reimburse me for. Good tymze!)
Second, I’d like to send an extra-special shoutout to Irwin Epstein, Jason Walker and Bill Darnell, all of whom have recently signed on as JTL subscribers at the Founding Member level. Gentlemen, your excellent taste and considerable generosity is matched only by your ravishing good looks…
Now then, down to today’s order of bidness:
37% of my paid subscribers who voted in Jagged time Lapse Poll #2 said they wanted read about my deli lunch with Gene Simmons, handily beating out such topics as the first album I ever bought and waiting out all night for Springsteen tickets in 1984. Only 8% of you voted for my story involving a head lice scare and Spyro Gyro’s “Morning Dance” — okay, I’ll grant you that it doesn’t sound like the most promising combination, but I can guarantee you that this is one case of two wrongs making a right, at least from an entertainment perspective. (And, hell, you’re gonna get it soon, whether you like it or not!)
I’d hoped to get the Gene story up last week, but it took longer than expected to unearth the transcript of that interview. Still, I think you’ll find it worth the wait… and I don’t think you’ll mind this being the first-ever JTL two-parter!
“This place is run by Satanists.”
It’s the summer of 2003, and I’m sitting in the back booth of the Beverly Glen Deli, a bland, well-lit delicatessen situated in an equally nondescript strip mall in the Santa Monica Mountains. Facing me is KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, whom I’m supposed to be interviewing for Guitar World’s Bass Guitar magazine, ostensibly about his band’s new Kiss Symphony: Alive IV album — which the band recorded in Australia with help from the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra — but also about everything from Gene’s bass influences and songwriting approach to the band’s various lineups and looks over the years.
Satanic delis are, however, not a subject I’m at all prepared to broach. Nonetheless, Gene has brought the situation to my attention within 30 seconds of me sitting down.
“What?” I ask, not completely sure I’ve heard him correctly.
“Satanists,” he says again, in a conspiratorial mutter. “You know how I know?”
He then slides the table’s dessert card in front of me. It’s covered on both sides by mouthwatering images of cakes, pastries and parfaits.
“See?” he says. “Satanists, I tell you.”
“Well, Gene,” I reply, “That cheese danish does look pretty good…”
“Oy,” he grumbles, waving his hand dismissively. “Jews and danish — don’t get me started!”